The Parallels Between Dog Training & Parenting • Your Happy Dog Coach

I think we’ve all heard

“Dogs are not people, they’re not your children, they need to be treated like other dogs would treat them.”

Actually, yes… and no.

Dogs are not human, that is true, and we do them a great disservice when we anthropomorphize (attribute human characteristics or behavior to) them.

What you may find interesting, though, (I certainly did) is that, thanks to studies, tests, and MRI’s of the canine brain, we have learned that dogs have similar cognitive abilities to a human toddler, 2-3 years old!

So why am I talking about this?

Although we should not treat dogs exactly the same way as we would treat human toddlers, the basic premise of how we teach dogs is the same.

Hear me out…

Over the last few decades, we have learned more about how children learn, grow, and develop. We’ve learned that physical punishment (such as spanking) does more harm than good, causing distrust and trauma rather than changing their behaviour for the better… and it actually changes the brain chemistry of the developing toddler.

In more recent years, we’ve realized the same is true about dogs.

We’ve also learned that children cannot learn when in a state of emotional distress. So, for example, trying to talk to a toddler who is already upset and crying is not going to be beneficial, your words will just fall on deaf ears, so to speak. Why? The cortisol in their brains make it impossible for them to hear anything that you’re saying when you’re upset. That’s why we stay present with them, letting them know we can help them regulate their emotions, and wait until they are calm before we talk to them.

Guess what?
The same is true in dogs!
You may have heard a trainer talk about training and teaching while the dog is “under threshold”.

What does this mean?
Suzanne Clouthier describes it best as:

the place where learning and thinking occur, where choices are possible, and where behavior changes (good ones!) can happen.

Sounds familiar to children, right? Because it is.

Maybe you’ve heard that dogs need to be a part of a hierarchy and that us, as humans, need to be dominant, or correct dogs in the same ways that other dogs would in social situations.

The truth is:

The concept that humans need to assert dominance over dogs to maintain control has been largely debunked by modern canine behavioral science. Dogs are not wolves, and their social structures have evolved differently through domestication. In fact, domestic dogs do not form rigid hierarchical packs in the way that wolves do.

The studies have shown that, instead, dogs are more responsive to cooperative relationships with humans rather than hierarchical ones. Dogs are highly attuned to human cues, especially of those they have bonded with, and are more likely to engage in behaviors that please their human companions, rather than those driven by a desire to assert dominance. When the focus is on mutual understanding, and the bonds formed through positive interactions rather than establishing a rank order, it is the most beneficial way of learning for the dog.

Does that sound familiar?

The same is true for human toddlers, of course! They, too, learn better when they feel more connected to the adults in their lives, specifically when those connections are formed through positive reinforcement (or what’s sometimes called gentle parenting, conscious parenting, responsive parenting… whatever the name you’ve heard for it).

You see, way back in 1999, when I was on my way to becoming an Early Childhood Educator, I learned about Positive Child Guidance and how beneficial it was for the child’s social, emotional, and even physical development.

As a parent, I learned even more about being a responsive, gentle, and conscious parent. There were many people around me and in my life that believed I was being “too soft” and I needed to be more strict and stern with my toddlers, but still, I continued on the parenting path that felt right to me. Now, don’t get me wrong, my children are not perfect… but nobody is. What they are though is empathetic, thoughtful, and connected to the adult humans in their lives, with strong bonds to last a lifetime (that is the goal, right?)

It’s similar for dogs.

It used to be believed that we needed to make harsh corrections, and use punishment to teach our dogs what not to do. But now, as more science and studies are released and shared, we are learning that punishment and corrections are not the best way to teach our dogs what we want them to do. We’re learning that their brains also react more favorably to positive guidance and reinforcement, and that they cannot learn when in a heightened emotional state … so yanking that leash when they’re already barking at something is the same as trying to lecture a toddler who’s in the middle of a meltdown: it isn’t going to teach them anything. In fact, instead of teaching them to stop barking at whatever is bothering them, it will likely teach them that the next time they see that stimulus (thing that made them bark), something painful or aversive is probably also going happen.

So, in short:

No, dogs are not the same as human children. And no, we should not treat them exactly the same. But we can teach them in the ways they learn best, just like with human toddlers, and make sure their brains are in a “learning/thinking” state when we do, rather than the meltdown/over threshold state that reactivity or punishment puts them in.

Of course, you don’t need to take my word for it.

Here are some articles, studies, and science behind it all, for anyone interested in learning more.